Who's That Girl?

I think it is obvious why this topic has come to mind and has definitely been at the forefront more recently so I thought I would share my thoughts about it.

The reality that Mila won’t have her daddy around for some significant things is something that sits heavy in my heart and head and it is my instant knee jerk reaction to want to step up and to be both the mom and dad roles for her despite being fully aware that it won’t be the same. I was never the “sporty” type as my childhood was filled with a lot of dance and I’m glad that Mila too gets to experience the incredible friendships, bonds and team comradery with her dance group that I grew up with too.  It has been amazing connecting and relating to her when it comes to dance.  Mila does however have an athletic side to her that she very clearly got from her daddy.  Mark was the superstar athlete who excelled at pretty much everything.  Whether it be track, hockey, soccer, football – when he played you best believe he was going to run circles around you.  Well, Mila loves to do some of those things too and while the last few years it was tough for Mark to really play with her, he still did his very best and that time they spent together playing and training was beautiful.

So here is my first concern – my athletic ability consists of 1 season of elementary school basketball where I was more focused on a girl from the opposing team that was flirting with my then grade 8 boyfriend so when the coach called me up I had no idea what was happening in the game and almost scored on my own net.  Or better yet, my 1 season of softball where I think I managed to hit the ball once and made it to first base but that was about it.  So, as you can see, I’m not to the Stefanutti caliber by any means nor can I even “fake it till I make it” with this one.  Then there is the second concern with that feeling of protection daddy’s girl has when things aren’t quite how they should be.  For example, what happens down the road when boys start coming around and need a good spooking to keep them on the straight and narrow with our little girl?  Will this mamma bear be scary enough to make the “bad boys” steer clear?  There is something about a dad that just instantly gives the feeling of being “safe” if that makes any sense at all?

As all these thoughts go through my head it has made me reflect on my childhood.  My parents divorced when I was 8 years old and although I won’t get into much detail about this topic – well at least not today – I can reflect and touch on the similarity that I too very much had a missing male presence for some things and for quite some time.  There were always the Father’s Day crafts that I wasn’t making with my classmates or those daddy daughter moments that I saw so many others sharing at a young age and that I wasn’t.  I did have an incredibly strong mother who always stepped up to the plate to fill the void and in my eyes was both mommy and daddy – but of course it’s different.  But then I sit and reflect on how incredibly blessed I was and still am with having some other special and significant people around. 

Let’s start with my grandfather – the matriarch of our family, the strongest, most protective male figure despite him being the softest soul you could ever meet.  I have the best memories of him following along the sidewalk a little distance behind or on the other side of the road as I went on walks with my aforementioned grade 8 boyfriend up Rustic Road to the bakery for an ice cream, which to this day makes my heart smile.  I also had an incredible uncle that I would spend lots of time with learning about music and even him teaching me how to ride my upgraded big 2-wheel bike.  I hold those memories very close to my heart.  Always.

Fast forward to my teenage years and along came the most incredible father I could have ever hoped for.  My stepdad Luis.  I wasn’t easy to be around as a teen but boy did he break my hard shell and did he show me what an amazing father figure could be.  The family dinners he would prepare for us, the blunt yet always meaningful chats he would have with me and the tough protective role he took on when those teenage boys started hanging around.  He was a tough one, even Mark would tell you that, but he’s just another big tough exterior bear with a big soft heart.  He really stepped up and gave me the family I always wanted and needed.

As I think about all of this, I realize Mila too has special male figures in her life.  She has 2 incredible nonno’s that would do anything for her.  Whether it be Roger sneaking her lots of chocolate treats and making his silly jokes or Luis getting her to try different foods and surprising her with things he knows she will love. She’s got them both wrapped around her little finger and it’s so beautiful to witness. 

She also has 2 incredible uncles that are such strong, hardworking family men that are remarkable role models.  Let’s not forget about the amazing friends who have all stepped in and have been so sweet and caring over these last 11 months.  Friends from Mark’s childhood who didn’t think twice to throw a football around with her or to surprise her with special Christmas gifts during the holidays.  Or what about the dad’s we became friends with through our beautiful neighbourhood and Mila’s school friend group?  Whether it be with helping us dig out of a terrible snowstorm, school pickups or even taking Mila to the park while this single mamma plugs away at my full-time job, Mike, you have been a blessing to us.  Last but definitely not least, I can’t write this blog entry without giving a nod to another special person that has really embraced my little girl and who loves to make her laugh but most importantly makes her feel important and like she truly has someone she can turn to whenever she may need. What an incredible blessing to have all these special people in our lives at a time we needed them most.

I always looked at my childhood situation as not really lacking having a father but in fact I felt very fortunate to have not just 1, but so many strong male figures in my life so maybe just maybe Mila will feel the same way. In addition to that she will always have a ton of remarkable memories that she can cherish of all the special things she did get to do with her daddy – nobody can take that away from her. I guess what I’m saying is that although it doesn’t fix the situation having male figures in other ways is equally important in situations like these. It’s about stepping up and being a strong presence whether male or female and in so many ways – and that my friends is just LOVE and love can fill any space or void you may have.

So, to all those people I mentioned above I thank you for being the magnificent people you’ve been to Mila. To all the father’s, father-figures, daddy’s-to-be celebrating this weekend – I wish you a wonderful Father’s Day. To my stepdaddy, you are a true example of what a father should be, and I am so grateful to have you as mine. And finally, to anyone reading this that could be presented with the opportunity to step up and be that kind of special person for another child in a similar situation – go for it! You are making the world of difference to that special little one, even more than you know.

xo LM