Who's That Girl?

July used to be a month filled with many happy feelings for me. It was the official kick-off to summer, an anniversary, Mila’s birth month, annual family cottage time and lots of other special celebrations too. It has now become a month of heavy thoughts and yet again, another loss.

As hard as I am trying to not fall into a deep dark place it can be a struggle some days. I am pushing forward and planning Mila’s birthday to make sure she has a special day with her friends because I know for her there is sadness around her birthday as well. Sometimes I sit and ask myself “why then, why a couple days after her birthday? Why in this month at all when it was such a special one for us?” Then I realize, it really wouldn’t have been any different if it was any other month because there will always be something. Another celebration, birthday, function or something that will be a constant reminder of what or who is gone. There will always be that little gap of something that is missing.

As always, I try to look at the positives in every situation.  With this one I know that a beautiful soul lived to be 101 years old and had a fruitful life filled with lots of love and plenty of blessings.  She suffered heart breaking losses over the years but was resilient and had such deep faith in God and love that it pushed her through.  I have peace knowing that she is reunited with her children and grandson and that they will be welcoming her with open arms.  I have peace knowing that Mark has one more person with him that will make sure he is ok.  I truly believe there must be something more to this life after you leave here and that somewhere all our loved ones are together without suffering, illness or pain and watching over all of us.

As I continue to push through July, I will try to give myself the space and patience to feel whatever it is I am feeling, to enjoy all the good that is still happening around us and to embrace the love and laughter that comes with each day.  I will send all my positive thoughts and prayers to my extended family that is suffering another great loss and I will offer my support to anyone that may be struggling right now.  Most importantly, I will continue forward as always and know that I am surrounded by many fortunate blessings and people to help make July a little bit easier.

LM