Who's That Girl?

What I’ve learned over these last few years is that you can’t be everything to everyone nor can you always please them.  A major part of my personality is that I am always trying to ensure everyone else is good.  I want to see others happy; I want to be liked by everyone and more than ever I just want things to be perfect.  It’s a struggle to live like that and can be very emotionally and mentally draining.

Even more so now I find that although I am trying to put myself first, I struggle with feeling like I am disappointing people, letting them down or even hurting them somehow.  It is not intentional by any means, but I guess my new path I’m growing on might not be what works for everyone and that’s ok.  When your whole world changes it is obviously expected that many things around you will be impacted as well.  It’s a ripple effect in a way.  When you have a personality like mine it can be hard to digest and to absorb when that happens.  You can spend endless hours ruminating about how to make things right for everyone else or even overthinking every little thing you have said or done and again you fall back into that trap of not doing what is best for you.  You can spiral into a place where you don’t feel ok anymore and that just isn’t right.  I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t go down that road again, so I need to ensure I keep moving forward. 

I knew my new life would be difficult and that I would have hurdles to overcome, challenges to face and even possibly lose people along the way but I also know that you can transform into an even more incredible person, learn new things and gain new people too. It can be exciting but there can be moments that are also scary or sad. It’s all part of the journey, I guess. This is all new to not only everyone on the outside, but it is especially new to me and there is no guidebook to explain how to do things or the right or wrong way to do them unfortunately. All I can do is try my best every day to find happiness, peace, love and strength and continue forward. I’m putting my faith and trust in the greater divine and hope to be guided accordingly. I can try to make people understand by sharing my thoughts along the way, even with this blog but ultimately, I can’t change how others think or feel nor can I predict how things will go so I need to push forward and give it all a chance and accept whatever outcome may be. Mark himself told me to keep looking forward and never back and that no matter where life took me, he would always support me even from beyond. I think that is what pushes me too – one last thing for me to ensure his wishes are fulfilled and that we are ok.

With that, if you are someone or something that has become a part of my new journey, thank you. Thank you for allowing me the space to grow in my new direction and thank you for loving me. Your love, acceptance and support mean the world. If you are someone that is struggling with being a people pleaser then know you are not alone, and I hope you too can get to a point where you start to put your needs, wants and desires first because you are important too.

LM