Who's That Girl?

A line that helps you define what you are and what you are not comfortable with. How you would like to be treated by others both professionally and personally as well as what you will and will not allow in your life or inner circle.  I never really thought about truly setting boundaries in my life until the last few years. I read an article that said “Setting boundaries is beneficial for far more than just defining our identity. Having them in place limits your exposure to stress and the [body’s] production of adrenaline and cortisol [the stress hormone]. It protects your mental well-being.” That resonated profoundly with me.

I’ve been reading more about how to set boundaries for yourself and to sum it all up it is to look at your hard boundaries which are your non-negotiable and your soft boundaries that you are more flexible with. Now these are completely different for everyone but as I work through setting better boundaries for myself, I realized a few things.  Boundaries can change as you change or evolve. My simple boundaries that I realize I had when I was in my 20’s are different than the basic boundaries I had in my 30’s. I didn’t realize they were boundaries, but I did have non-negotiable things, but the problem was I did not stand firm with some of them which is the most important part. Here I am almost at the halfway point of my 40’s and I am setting new ones whether they be specific to work, family or even friends. I have finally put myself first and realize that I matter too, and I need to maintain and assert those set boundaries because they are important to my wellbeing.  As I’ve discussed before, my priorities have changed and things that used to be important to me may not be my top priority any longer. 

Let me give you an example of what I am referring to.  In past years, I wouldn’t hold true to what I wouldn’t allow in my space and always I would end up compromising myself to make others happy.  That people-pleasing trait that I’ve spoken about before always dictated my decisions on things.  Whereas now, I realize that always doing things to make others happy, although can provide that fix I need knowing others are good, in most cases has also compromised my wellbeing and that is not ok.  I have allowed others to be disrespectful, to mistreat me or to walk all over me without even realizing in some instances, and that is not right.  Being taken advantage of whether by coworkers, bosses, friends, or family is not acceptable and I guess at my age I am so much more aware of it and refuse to allow it to happen anymore.  That is easier said than done of course, and it is a work in progress but little by little I am doing it.  I will not be disrespected by others.  I will not pretend, brush it under the carpet or “just let it slide” any longer.  If I treat others with kindness, respect and always take their needs into consideration I deserve the same thing back.  I refuse to allow people that I thought were “real” to hurt me or to disregard my feelings because life is short and so is my time and I will only share both of which with people who show equal respect, love, and care for me.  If you give me those things than you best believe I will give them right back in copious amounts because that is who I am. 

Sometimes it takes major life experiences to make you realize these things – I say sometimes because some people may learn a lesson permanently and others only temporarily sadly, but to me, I want permanent changes, true friendships and loyal people who respect me solely around my circle.  Sometimes life will filter those out automatically whether through a new job opportunity or being let go in company cutbacks, perhaps friends begin fading away, or people’s true colours begin showing and my answer to that is LET IT AND LET THEM.  Let life filter and do the work it is meant to do for you.  I look at it as the universe helping you when you may not be able to set those boundaries and stand up for yourself on your own.  It is a blessing in disguise.  Let the universe bring new people, jobs, and experiences into your world.  Let those lessons teach you more about yourself with every opportunity you have.  Take risks or leaps of faith, be assertive and stick to your guns for what you believe in and for what you deserve but be open to new things as well without sacrificing yourself (if that makes sense).   You must be your own advocate this day in age whether it is mentally, physically, and emotionally.  Feed your heart, mind, and soul with whatever it needs in a positive way and filter out the energy, happiness or drive sucking people or things as soon as you can.  Imagine yourself protected in a bubble if you will and anything that does not serve you in a positive way bounces off.  

My hope is that your takeaway from this blog post is the reminder that you deserve the best around you and it’s perfectly ok for you to set boundaries to ensure that your needs and requirements are met.  Take a moment to evaluate what your non-negotiable and negotiable things are and reflect on how they may have changed either because you’ve evolved or because you have become too laxed or lenient with your beliefs.  Make yourself a priority again and I promise you even though it may seem tough or scary, good things will come of it in the end.  

Sending so much love to all.  Always.

LM