Who's That Girl?

As it is the official kick off to the Euro Cup and simultaneously jersey day at school for Mila, I couldn’t help but remember the last Euro Cup in 2021.  Every Euro Cup and World Cup, Mark would be super excited.  He would join several soccer pools or even organize his own with family and friends.  He would choose his schedule at work so that he would get to watch games live or if the schedule didn’t allow for that, we would record them and avoid all news, tv and radio until we could get home and watch it together.   As a TTC bus driver sometimes it would be difficult because he would see people driving around honking their horns in celebration, but he still tried his best.  Mark loved soccer.  He excelled at it from youth to even men’s league and he loved teaching his little girl all about it too.  

It was July 11, 2021, and we were watching the Euro Cup finals.  His illness at its peak and worst.  It was an exceptionally bad day for him, but he pulled himself together enough to sit and watch the game with us and his father.  He struggled to watch it, even breaking down at times because of the amount of pain his entire body was in, but still he pushed through and sat there, holding my hand, and holding on to his little girl.  I snapped a photo of them because I always loved capturing beautiful moments shared between the two of them. Maybe it’s because I never had beautiful father/daughter moments as a child, so it somehow fulfilled something missing deep within myself too.  I always looked at the two of them and thought how magical and special those moments were and who knows, one day when she’s older she might not want her photo being taken since teenagers can get weird that way, so let’s just freeze this moment in time as proof that it indeed happened.  I’m so grateful for taking each of those special photos because they are what I look back at most since he left us, and Mila will always have these incredible memories in print as she grows up too.

Well, Italy did it!  They won the 2021 Euro Cup and unlike the time they won the World Cup in 2006, this time was different.  We couldn’t jump in the car and head down to St. Clair and celebrate until the early hours of the morning with friends.  This time he wasn’t even able to leave the house and struggled to just sit and watch the game and it broke my heart.  He wanted his little girl to have that same experience we shared many, many years back so he looked at me and said “you can go, just the 2 of you.  I want her to feel and see the excitement and celebrations.”  I was hesitant.  I said no to him several times. I didn’t want to leave his side and I didn’t feel right celebrating when he was in such a bad state.  I was scared to head into the crowds with our little girl alone.  It would be pandemonium and chaos and what if we got trampled?  He always put her up on his shoulders to keep her above all the crowds so she could have a better view but he wouldn’t be there and doing that this time.  Again, I told him I didn’t want to leave him and he asked me to do it FOR him because it would make him happy.  That’s all it took.  For him to tell me that if I did something it would make him happy because that’s all I really wanted – for him to be happy and healthy.  

So off we went.  We got in my car and drove to Market Lane. Mila hanging out the side window holding an enormous flag and screaming while we had all the greatest of Italian hits blasting on the radio.  She loved it all! The horns honking, the massive amounts of people; a sea of blue and white, people chanting and singing, streets filled with cars all bumper to bumper and nobody caring that traffic was at a standstill because we were so happy.  I had so many moments in that time that I wished he was with us.  I sent him some photos and videos of his little girl and he would reply back and send a heart.  We celebrated for a while and then made our way down to our home where Mila met up with her school friends, our parent friends, at our park to celebrate some more.  Our little girl got to have that experience that he so desperately wanted her to have so thank you, Mark for pushing me out that door to give it to her despite us having to leave you behind when you were in such a terrible state.

In hindsight, it was 2 weeks before you would take your last breath and this very photo would be the last celebration or soccer game we would watch together.  It was the last father/daughter photo I would capture of the two of them and it was the first of many moments and things to come that I would be doing as a duo, not our trio and as a single widowed mom.  

So tomorrow, as Italy takes to the field for their first game on Father’s Day weekend to boot, we will watch in your honour and hope that you will be watching with us from wherever you are as well.

Happy Euro Cup and Father’s Day, PB. 

We miss you tons.

xo LM