Who's That Girl?

What is strength?  Well according to google it is the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.  This applies to a person too.  It amazes me to see people who have endured so many things in their lives, lived through world wars, picked up and moved across the world to start a new life with nothing but a bag of clothes, fought a health battle and overcame it or even those that weren’t able to overcome the illness that still fought a good fight and with such incredible strength. The list goes on and with each person and story I am truly awestruck and inspired.

Life can give you plenty of obstacles, challenges or feats to conquer and all of which require either mental or even physical strength that can push you to your maximum.  I feel like I’ve been pushed to what I would assume the edge or breaking point would be but have somehow bounced back.  Sure, I may have some internal battle wounds but who wouldn’t?  I guess my question is, is there a breaking point and would it be different for each person?  Can some people handle more than others?  Is there a point when you just can’t take it all anymore and you may not be able to recover from whatever the situation is? 

I feel like my life temporarily took a pause and went in to this very easy, even keel day to day routine after years of intense stress and I was grateful for that as my head, heart and soul needed it at least for a little while.  Just a little break so I could catch my breath again.  Now as Mila and I are well into our new routine with life and as the world reopens the chaos that was of before is now starting to pick up again and it can be a little overwhelming.  I would love to be able to do it all, take on many more projects, join every gathering that is being planned, take on more work professionally and with my side hustle but mentally I don’t think I can do that anymore or be that person I was before.  I feel like I need to be much more careful and selective with what I allow into my life, who and what I give my energy too and I also need to space things out more because I don’t want to fall back into that trap and headspace where I was always overwhelmed, stressed out and always being this super strong person at all times.  Does that make me a bad person?  I don’t think so – I think it makes me human and shows that I am making myself and my health a priority for once.  Does it make me selfish?  Maybe a little but if I don’t look out for myself then who will and if I crumble then how can I be the best mother possible for my daughter?  What type of role model or example would I be setting for her?

When things were super tough over the years, I created a Pinterest board that had inspirational quotes that made sense to me and to help encourage me to get through those harder moments.  The board was called “Dealing With It” and it was a private board where I could post the things that resonated with me and without anybody knowing my secret struggles and battles.  I found some incredible words that I would go back and read in those tougher moments and when I wasn’t quite sure I could bounce back.  I revisited that board recently to give myself perspective on how far I’ve come and I realized that it’s ok to show that I am not always this super strong person and it isn’t anything to be ashamed of or secretive of. 

One of my faves pinned on that board was “Someone said, I don’t know how you do it.  I said, I wasn’t given a choice”.   Nobody is given a choice unfortunately on what they want and don’t want to deal with in life but every day you get up and face it as best you can.  Another one that hit home was “Someone said because I carry it well, doesn’t mean it ain’t heavy” and that one was eye opening for me.  Many times, I have been told that I look like nothing phases me and although that can be a compliment it can also make it hard for someone to allow themselves to just crumble when they need to.  Lastly and probably my most favourite quote saved since it is exactly who I am is “She’s gonna forever say I got this even with tears in her eyes”.  Yup, that’s me.  I will always face any challenge or take on more than I probably should and say “I got this, it’s fine” despite the pain inside, the tears I am fighting back or even the fear of disappointing others. 

Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.  Some carry it well, others might not.  I keep this in mind even when I am out and about in public and come across some grumpy or irate people.  Before I react, I remind myself that person may have just gotten the worst news, lost their job, or maybe they are fighting a health battle and having a particularly tough day.  Some people might just be miserable for the hell of it but it doesn’t cost anything to be patient or kind so I always bear that in mind before reacting.  It also doesn’t make anyone less of a person if they feel vulnerable and want to show their moment of weakness or by asking for help because that takes strength too. 

So to anyone that might be feeling like they need to keep it all together or even to those that just don’t have it all together right now and feel like the world is crumbling around them, I hope you won’t be afraid to show your true feelings and strength in any way, shape or form – you are human, after all, not a robot and sometimes even superhero’s need a break.

LM