Who's That Girl?

This is a tough one. For as long as I can remember I have always had a tough time with truly loving myself. It’s hard when you always look in the mirror and your reflection doesn’t quite resemble what is portrayed everywhere else as what you are “supposed” to look like. It really does a number on you starting from childhood. Add to the mix the insecurities and teenage hormones when growing up which ultimately lead into adulthood and you’ve got yourself one big bag of crazy thoughts and feelings. I never felt confident in myself. Always hid behind something whether it is by being behind the scenes with planning something, wearing baggy clothes or of course the one thing I’m known for……always wearing black. It truly is a shame that I never allowed myself to just be free from those negative thoughts and just truly appreciated the human being I am. How many times do you look back at old photos and think “Sheesh I thought I looked bad in this?!” and wished to go back to that particular time. The older I get the more I look back and I have those thoughts.

Not only have I always doubted myself externally, but I had also doubted myself internally. I never fully felt like I was good enough, smart enough and it is to no fault of anyone else but myself. We really are our own worst critic. That can be a good thing as it pushes me to strive for more and to work harder but it can also be a bad thing because regardless of the achievements I’ve accomplished they never felt like they were enough. I have always been surrounded by family and friends who loved me, were encouraging and praised me but it was something deep rooted from something and somewhere and that was probably something I should have worked on at some point over the years. Regardless, I’m just grateful that I am looking at things differently and realizing my worth and how it has absolutely nothing to do with how I look, how smart I am, what job I have or any of those other things. It really is about being the best human you can be amongst all the crazy in our world. It is about how you treat others, living your life authentically and truly loving yourself and those around you to the fullest and for always.

Sometimes life can snap you back and make you look at things or even yourself very differently. I myself have started to look at all I have accomplished both personally and professionally and have finally realized “WOW, I did that!?” It has been the first time I stopped and acknowledged things and felt proud. Sounds crazy but how often do you really slow down and reflect on your life, past to present? I have heard that when you reach a certain age that can happen. That you focus less on what isn’t important in life and you can even change as a person. Not only can that happen when you reach a certain age or milestone, but I also feel it can happen when something significant happens in your life. I’ve read and heard stories from motivational speakers that have had near death experiences who then overhaul their entire lives, change their career, get divorced, get married, start a family, the list goes on and all because they are grateful for that second chance. Who wouldn’t be? What about the stories of reformed criminals who served their time and come out and make something more of themselves and even going so far as helping others that are in similar situations as they were? I can’t compare myself to those scenarios but I do feel like something similar happened. Between making my way to the 40+ club and realizing how short life is, having my entire lifelong plan since I was 16 changed in an instant and being very passionate and connected to causes that are near and dear to my heart, I guess it made me change too. I’m not that same girl staring in the mirror feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m no longer that teenager trying to navigate through life and trying to figure out who or what I wanted to be as an adult. And I’m definitely not that same young woman starting out as a young wife at 23. I have new goals that have shifted or changed completely from what they were to be reflective to our new life. I have new aspirations and dreams on my mind and I can’t wait to bring all of them to fruition and to share with you along the way.

I’ve changed – some friends have changed, family dynamics have changed, many goals and priorities have changed, my attitude has changed, heck even my work has changed! It’s truly been an overhaul in all aspects over the last few years which is scary yet exciting all at the same time. It’s not to say that anything before this wasn’t good, significant, or important, it is simply that I am taking all my life lessons (both good and bad) and am evolving. Isn’t that what life is all about? Evolving and growing? Living and learning? It is honestly the first time in my life I feel this thing called self-love and appreciation for all of it and it’s about time.

So with that, I will end this post with my favourite tagline which I’ve recently adopted into my life – Perfectly Imperfect. That is exactly how we should all view ourselves and our lives. We are all perfectly imperfect masterpieces and we should be grateful, appreciative and respectful of our journeys and who we are because of them and despite them. May we all accept our imperfect selves and lives, hold our heads high, truly be proud and love it all.

LM