Who's That Girl?

Do you ever have those days where you just don’t want to be you?  Some days are harder than others and for many reasons, but I’m trying my very best. Today I would like to be someone else.  Someone who doesn’t have to think about the things that I think or worry about.  Someone who doesn’t have to stress out and spiral about the future and how I will make it all work.  Someone who doesn’t have to balance it all – career, family, friends all while wrapping my head around all the changes over the years. I can rationalize it all and I can even get angry with myself for allowing these thoughts to upset me, but it doesn’t change anything.  To be someone who can just be free from her own self-destructive thoughts and mind would be great if even just for today.

Ok truth time here – I said I would be open and vulnerable with this blog and so here it is.  I am wearing my heart on my sleeve and being fully transparent despite wanting to shut down and hide like I would in the past.  I guess that is to be expected given the years of ups and downs and I guess that is even personal progress in some way.  I know I am ok and that everything will be alright down the road, and I have loving people around me that mean the world to me and who reassure me, but the mind can really mess with you and make you think otherwise.  Life is tough for everyone but every day we get up and try again, try harder while reminding ourselves to breathe and just stay in the moment instead of working ourselves up.

Are some things triggers?  Is this what they call a mid-life crisis?  Maybe it’s because yet another holiday is creeping around the corner and every time you look around it is all you see and with that comes the stress, memories, and craziness.  Or maybe it is nothing specific at all and it is just our brain playing tricks on us. Who knows, but I think so many things and feel so many things, so I write.  I write to let it out, I write so that I acknowledge it and in hopes that it will clear from my mind.  Sometimes it helps so here’s hoping today is one of those days.

The sun is shining although the crisp cold air of fall is a reminder that winter is just around the corner.  So today I will take a moment, take in the sunshine, maybe even a stroll and just clear my head while putting it out in the universe that everything will be ok for all of us.  That is my wish for not only myself but anyone else that is struggling in some way, shape or form today. 

LM