Who's That Girl?

One of the issues I have that I am presently working on is this constant feeling as if I am a failure.  I did everything the way I was supposed to do it, followed all the rules and yet nothing worked out the way we are told it would so clearly, I’m a failure right? Or am I?

I have been speaking to someone regularly because I realized that all my self-healing wouldn’t be complete or genuine without digging deeper and tackling them with someone who specializes with these things.  Sure, I have my family and friends who are my support but like I’ve said to them before “you have to think good things about me because we are family or friends”.  With a professional it’s different.  They are objective, non-judgmental, they have tools and techniques they can provide you with that will be life-long coping skills as you heal and deal with your tougher moments and most importantly, they can help with making you feel relief when you have breakthroughs.

In my most recent session we started to focus on how I deal with negative self-talk.  She pointed out how easily I will make others feel good about themselves.  How I can tell them about all the wonderful things they do, how successful and amazing they are, yet when it comes to me, I can’t even drum up a handful of compliments for myself or how I am constantly apologizing for everything and anything.  So, during this session we tackled my feelings of being a failure – failure as a wife because no matter what I did or how hard I tried somehow, I became a widow.  Failure as a friend because either I pulled away from people due to life and what I was managing or because of certain pain it was causing me that I just couldn’t explain or overcome so obviously that meant I wasn’t good enough a friend for them.  The list goes on, but you catch my drift.

So we talked it through, and this beautiful human being said something to me that just opened my eyes in a way that the one and only Oprah would call an AHA moment.  She said “you’ve just sat here and listed everything you have done and detailed how you followed all the rules, did everything you were supposed to and yet it all failed.  If you did everything on that checklist, everything according to the book or plan and it didn’t work with the ending it was supposed to have or as the plan promised, how are YOU the failure?  Doesn’t it sound like the plan or book that made you believe is the right way to do things the ACTUAL failure here?  Who said those plans were fail proof? Who made the plans?”

It was as if a light switch went off in my head and things became so much clearer.  A plan is just that, a plan.  It is a general rule or guide to follow but that doesn’t mean that it is right for each and every person on this planet.  You have the rules that your parents set out, the rules your religion set out and so on and so forth but who is to say that those are right or that you will be perfect if you do it all?  Maybe those plans or guidelines are for someone else, but you are different and need your own custom plan.  I felt a weight lift off my shoulders in those simple words that she said to me, right when I needed it most.  I know this is just a fraction of what still needs to be worked on but in that moment the relief I felt in my heart and mind when I finally started to look at things through a different lens was mind blowing.  I feel so blessed to have this wonderful human guiding me on my healing path and for giving me a little spark of positivity about myself that was needed in that moment. 

May I continue having plenty more AHA moments and as I share my thoughts and feelings through this blog, I hope it might be helpful to anyone else that might need it too – so long as you remember that whatever plan or path I’m going on doesn’t necessarily mean it should be yours too 😉.

LM