Who's That Girl?

 I know it can sound crazy to say that I feel “lucky,” after all that has happened throughout my life, but hear me out.

 

More and more, I realize that in this world and in this lifetime, it can truly be a stroke of luck to find a genuine, lasting love.

 

And here I am, having experienced it with my high school sweetheart and late husband in the first half of my life… and here I am again, blessed to be experiencing it once more.

 

For years, I was the sounding board for friends who were single. I listened to their dating stories—the good, the bad, the hilarious, the embarrassing, and the heartbreaking.

 

What I learned was that the dating world could be a scary place.

 

Shortly after Mark passed, when I returned to work, a former boss who was an incredible leader—and someone who always wished the best for me and pushed me to the forefront in everything I did—sat me down and gave me some advice.

 

At the time, I didn’t fully understand it. But as the years have gone by, and as I’ve heard more and more stories from my single friends, I realize exactly what he meant.

He said:

 

“LM, I know it is too soon to be thinking about this, but I want to give you some advice before you get back into the world of dating. Please guard your soft heart and don’t do the dating apps. Meet someone the old-fashioned, romantic way. That is who you are. I don’t want you to be thrown into the messy, scary world and end up hurt, jaded, or go through any of that.”

 

I heard him. I chuckled and said, “Don’t worry. I’m going to be a Golden Girl. No dating for me.”

 

Again, he looked at me and said, “Guard your heart. Meet someone at your daughter’s school. Meet them through friends or family. Just don’t let that dating world break you.”

 

I heard his words, but I don’t think they truly sunk in.

 

I had heard the terrible stories, the hilarious stories, the embarrassing stories from my friends. But it wasn’t my reality. I was a married woman. Those stories were entertainment at our girls’ getaways, or they were the things that led to long nights sitting, listening and being supportive to my friends as they talked about their sadness, fears, disappointments, and experiences.

 

We are at an age where all you really want is peace and happiness. And unfortunately, not everyone is looking for the same thing.

 

For the first few years after my husband’s passing, I wasn’t of clear mind. I was vulnerable. I was healing. I wasn’t ready for anything.

 

Did I try? Sure.

 

Did it fail epically?

 

Absolutely.

 

But I believe it was part of my journey. Part of what needed to happen to lead me to where I am now.

 

Stronger.

 

Wiser.

 

Healed.

 

Happy.

 

Did it make some people angry or disappointed?

Did it make some people walk away from me?

 

It sure did.

 

But even from that pain, I learned. I grew. I gained lessons and perspective. 

So again, I will say that I am grateful.

 

Then my true healing began.

 

My head became clearer. The clouds started to part. The pain was still there, but it wasn’t guiding every thought and decision anymore.

 

I was becoming a new LM. And she was going to be okay. She could trust herself again.

 

And then a beautiful friend came into the picture.

 

In our conversations, we talked about how much the world had changed from what we remembered. We no longer had those happily-ever-after, rose-coloured glasses on.

 

The stories we had once heard from other people were now the world we were potentially going to be living in ourselves.

 

And as I’ve spoken about before, that beautiful friendship turned into the most beautiful, safe, healthy, and happiest relationship I have ever experienced.

 

How lucky am I to be here again?

 

Life has been hard. But I still feel lucky.

 

Lucky to have loved.

 

Lucky to have created a beautiful first life and family.

 

Lucky to have known a love that lasted an entire lifetime.

 

Lucky to have lost and still be able to say that I was someone’s love for their entire life.

 

I know that might sound odd to some people.  But to me, it is one of the most beautiful gifts I could have ever been given.

 

I am lucky to be living out experiences and things I once only dreamed about.

 

I’m lucky that those words of advice from a former boss who was also a friend stayed with me. Maybe they didn’t intentionally lead me where I am today, but they taught me something. They warned me that my heart wasn’t ready for the world that existed beyond the life I had known.

 

I’m lucky because I have a special person looking out for me and our daughter from wherever he may be.

 

I’m lucky because there is still good out there.

 

I’m lucky because what I have given has come back to me a thousand times over.

 

And most of all…

I’m lucky because I’m living Part 2 of LM’s life.

 

And it’s beautiful. 

 

xo LM